Smock Blogs

In my continuing quest for filthy lucre, inspired by both my love of shelter and my bank’s insistence that they, too, would like me to keep sending them money, I regularly send out documents that indicate to people who have money they would like to distribute in exchange for services rendered that I am indeed capable of executing those services in such a way that they would willingly part with those funds and entrust them to my care.

I’ve applied for a lot of jobs, is what I’m saying.

And this is for you LinkedIn posters who think that 3 days/weeks/months is a long time to go without gainful employment. Call me when the months find their way into the years column, and you start to use words like “unhireable” to describe yourself.

It’s indeed a First World Problem, but being a Man Of A Certain Age trying to find employment after a minute spent moving from job to job in a contract-based environment with a Bachelor’s degree as your sole credential ranks among the most miserable things I’ve ever done. I suspect I will feel the same once my first colonoscopy is behind me (I know, I heard it, too), because looking for work at this stage in life? Is just a grim, grim slog.

I’ve had a few opportunities open up: some of them slipped away because I wasn’t part of the winning bid, others because I was a little too honest in the interview process, and still others because I’m on the spectrum, and y’all neurotypicals know there’s something not quite “right,” but you’re going to pass anyway.

This isn’t about that, although at some level it’s always about that, because the ‘tism isn’t a temporary thing, but it’s more about asking for what you want, employers.

If you’re looking, say, for a glorified secretary? Put that in your job description. Make it clear that you’re looking for a low level cog, and don’t write a job description that sounds like the next step on the ladder is the C-suite.

I’ve been the one writing job descriptions, or usually copy/pasting someone else’s descriptions before this, and everyone on the hiring team knew the person described? Doesn’t exist. We’re just hoping for people that hit that 50% to 75% of the JD that we really need, and that maybe they turn out to not be an asshole.

Yes, this is specific to me, but I also know I’m not alone in this, because we humans? Are really bad at asking for what we really want.

We have convinced ourselves that people should be able to figure things out for themselves, and the ones that can’t figure things out we don’t want to talk to in the first place. And rigorous honesty? That’s just for recovery, for the druggies and the alkies, not the rest of us.

From job postings to dinner conversations to work around the house, try asking for what you want. What you really, really want. Go full Spice Girls. Doesn’t mean it gets easier. Just simpler.